As much as I don’t want to admit it, I felt it. Envy. It found me on a tough day as I scrolled past two different artists who had posted about their incredible opportunities they had received. While I was so happy for them, that small voice in my mind said, “When will that be you?” And as the minutes ticked by, that voice began to grow, “Why don’t you have your act together like them?” “When will it be your turn?”
And I start by taking small sips from the chalice of envy, that intoxicating liquid that instead of quenching your thirst, demands for more. As sips become gulps and envy turns to jealousy, the transformation into the monster begins.
“Yeah, I would have been given that opportunity if I was sponsored by that huge camera company like them!” “Some of us don’t have a team of people working for them!” “They are probably just a nepo-baby who hasn’t worked for anything!”
I tear them down in my mind, building myself up on a throne of bones and destruction. Feeling more and more self righteous as my throne grows. Everyone’s success becomes a threat to me. And while I feel like I’m raising myself up, I’m only building a throne of death. Life and growth can’t thrive there, and If I continue to drink from that cup, that’s where I’ll die.